dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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