I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
