It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
