can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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