so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize