he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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