I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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