she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
