How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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