I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
