It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
