Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
