Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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