I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
