paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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