I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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