Umm I'm too high to move.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
