there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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