too bad you live with your parents still
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There are leaves in my underwear?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
