Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
