Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
