she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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