Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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