I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
