he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
