I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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