Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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