did you get engaged???
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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