I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
