You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Couch. On fire.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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