I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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