i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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