If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drake has all the answers
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
