I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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