Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
pray to the hookup gods
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
