Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
