Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
