Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
