a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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