you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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