Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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