Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Even the bartender felt bad for me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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