What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
