I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
