Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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