There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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