There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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