Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
