I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
