My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize