i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
