Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
