Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
