ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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